Who says dogs can’t remember?

According to a professor at Stockholm University, Timmy still would be down that well because Lassie would have forgotten he fell into it.

“What’s that Lassie? Is Timmy in the well?”

“Who?”

“Timmy.”

“Who’s that? And what’s a well?”

Johan Lind, an associate professor of ethology, studied the memories of 25 animal species and concluded they can’t remember squat, sort of like Uncle Ed. He concluded the average short-term memory for everything from bees to squirrel monkeys to baboons to our faithful canine companions is 27 seconds. Of course, that’s 25 seconds longer than most politicians remember their promises.

According Professor Lind’s findings, a bee has a short-term memory of 2.5 seconds. Other than remembering where the hive is, what does a bee need to remember? Chimpanzees can retain something for a whole 20 seconds, about the equivalent of some husbands, at least according to their wives.

He contends dogs can remember things for about two minutes, putting them at the top of the memory chain, somewhere between a Disney pop singer and a member of Congress. That, according to the study, would explain why you can get onto a dog for doing business on the carpet, and five minutes later he’s doing it again.

Now, I’m not sure what prompted Professor Lind to think there was a need to determine the memory span of a pig-tailed macaques and other critters. Obviously there is some demand to know about animals’ memory, or maybe it was a chance to brag about how good human memory is. ... ...

Where was I? Oh, memory, right.

I’m not sure I agree entirely with the good professor, particularly when it comes to dogs. It seems they have to retain some sort of memory to learn to do what they can do. Otherwise, how do you train a dog to find drugs or bombs? How can you train them as guide dogs if they can’t remember tomorrow what they learned today? I might be wrong, not being a scientist, but it would seem short-term memory would be important to developing long-term memory; you have to retain something long enough for it to imprint itself in brain cells for future reference.

It could be dogs have selective memory and hold onto things they think are important. I know Lolabelle the Wonder Dachshund remembers things, so much so that she’s turned them into daily rituals. Every night around the 10 o’clock hour, Lola’s up and ready to get out and take care of business. It doesn’t matter what’s been going on, if she’s been out a little earlier, when it’s about 10 p.m. there she is at the foot of my recliner, staring up at me. Sometimes she stands on the couch, her attention focused on me, ready to go outside.

And she remembers she’s supposed to get a treat afterward. If you forget, Lola reminds you. Sometimes she remembers better than I do.

Lola loves cornbread, and knows when Kim is making it. From the minute Kim brings out the cornmeal, Lola is there at her feet for every move she makes. She has to remember that cornmeal is used for cornbread. When the bread’s done, Lola won’t rest or stop bugging us until she gets some. One Thanksgiving, Kim made cornbread the night before for her dressing and left it crumbled in an aluminum pan on the counter. During the night, Lola woke me up from a sound sleep and I thought she needed to go outside. Nope. She stopped at the end of the counter, planted her feet firmly and wouldn’t go any farther. Lola wanted cornbread. And what Lola wants, ...

Dogs can’t remember? You can tell Lola to get her stuffed armadillo, or her hedgehog, and she’ll bring the right one to you. She has three different Bobos from that pet store commercial a couple of years back — a regular Bobo, a Santa Bobo and a small Baby Bobo. She’ll find the right one of you tell her which Bobo to get.

No, I’m convinced dogs can remember a lot more than Professor Lind thinks they do. Maybe they just got bored with his tests. Or perhaps he should have tried using cornbread instead of Swedish meatballs as treats. Still, things would have been a lot different if Lassie hadn’t had a good memory. ...

“Lassie, oh Lassie, did you bring help? Hello? Is anyone there? Hello? Lassie? ...