You don't have to live with abuse

Any man who punches a woman in the face isn't much of a man. And being a football player doesn't automatically make you exempt.

Baltimore Ravens player Ray Rice is unemployed now from his multimillion-dollar football job after the world saw the video of him knocking his then-fiance senseless and dragging her unconscious body from a casino elevator. The NFL also has suspended him indefinitely after originally giving him a tap on the wrist for domestic violence.

Amazingly, some folks thinks it's a shame he's lost his job because of this. After all, since the February incident first came to light Rice has been good and tried to show his best behavior. Even the woman who now is his wife says he's acted better and hasn't punched or abused her since, and thought they'd put this behind them. Of course, most women in abusive relationships say the same thing, at least until their men abuse them again. And again.

I may just be cynical, but I think being married to someone who was getting $4 million this year may have been a consideration in her reasoning, too.

The NFL already was getting backlash for its initial handling of Rice's case, then instituting what's essentially a half-hearted policy to "punish" any players guilty of domestic abuse in the future. Once that elevator security video surfaced, it really had egg on its face and now faces questions of if league officials had seen it before slapping his wrist. Again being a bit cynical, if they had I doubt they'd admit it, and probably only would if they're going to be exposed.

There are more recent reports of a longer version of the video showing that Rice and Janay Palmer actually exchanged hits with him punching her out after she spit at him. Sorry, still no justification for the NFL running back to knock her senseless. At one point, he'd even claimed he was acting in self-defense.

Let's see: An NFL player, an unarmed woman who slaps and spits at him. Nope, I just can't see that as grounds for self-defense under any definition.

Domestic abuse is a serious problem and certainly shouldn't be taken lightly, as the two male hosts of Fox & Friends did with remarks about the Rice incident being a message to take the stairs. Yeah, real funny, guys. Considering the number of women — and, yes, even men — subjected to domestic violence, living in fear, uncertain of what they've "done wrong" to "deserve" such treatment, it's certainly not a laughing matter.

Yes, many of us are confounded at people who remain in an abusive relationship, who justify their treatment at the hands of their spouse or partner, or excuse the behavior as Palmer does. It is completely unreasonable to us that they would continue being a human punching bag. But it's fear that keeps so many there — fear of their abuser. fear of going forth on their own, fear of being able to get along without their abuser, fear of the unknown. Rather than risk the unknown, they tolerate their abuse.

It's up to family and friends who know of an abusive relationship to help the victim, to reassure them that life is possible without abuse and to help them get out of the relationship. Sometimes, that kind of support is all they need to give them the courage to make the break from abuse.

In the Twin Lakes Area, we have Serenity Inc. at Mountain Home to help women and children who are abused. There's Safe Passage at Melbourne, Sanctuary at Harrison and Stone County Abuse Prevention Inc. at Mountain View.

You do not have to live with abuse. There are people who want to help you, people who believe in you and are willing to assist you in starting a new, better life. Don't tolerate abuse, don't remain trapped by fear.