Some days, my inner curmudgeon takes over

Ever wake up on the wrong side of the bed? I have, and sometimes folks think I must have woke up underneath the bed.

We all have those kinds of days, except those intolerably pesky folks who wake up bright, chipper, smiling, singing like a Disney princess. It really should be legal to shoot them, especially if encountered before the rest of us have had our first coffee of the day. Even having resolved my sleep apnea, I find I still hate bright and chipper in the morning.

Maybe it’s just my growing curmudgeonisity, although to be honest I haven’t been a morning person since college. Sometimes, even with coffee, that attitude unfortunately carries on through the day, which turns what’s usually just pet peeves into full-blown aggravation for me.

For example, people who don’t know when to stop talking on cell phones. It really bugs me when I see someone chatting happily away on a cell phone while a waitress stands patiently by the table waiting for their order. Or while a clerk is waiting to ring up their purchases and collect payment. Or while moving in and out through traffic. Two of those are just plain rude, and the third can be dangerous.

Seriously, I have watched people come into a restaurant while talking on a cell phone, be seated, point out what they want on the menu, eat the meal, get up, pay the bill and leave — and never put down the cell phone. I mean, really, were they raised by apes? Do they not have basic manners? Is their cell phone conversation that important? And if it is, why are you going to a restaurant to have this phone conversation?

Rude is putting it mildly. It’s insulting to the wait staff, anyone who’s with them, anyone around them forced to listen to their half of the conversation because they don’t have an inside voice (which is particularly disgusting when they discuss recent medical procedures) and just on general principles. Finish the darned conversation, or tell whoever’s on the other end you’ll call back, and hang up the phone!

You know what else bugs me? Drivers who are fast on the horn. I’m sitting at the signal light, waiting for it to change. It turns green, but before the final trace of the red light fades some bozo behind me is on the horn. What’s the deal? Are you really in that big of a hurry? Is the world not moving fast enough for you, or are you aging at such an incredible rate that having to wait a microsecond longer endangers your existence? Give me a break!

If I’m sitting there with my head elsewhere than atop my neck, not paying attention, and the green signal has been on 30 seconds or longer, OK, I understand your need to honk and wake me from my motoring stupidity. But, when you hit the horn as the light changes and as I’m starting to move forward — that’s not OK. It makes me somewhat unhappy and question the parentage of the driver behind me. Sometimes it’s been known to frighten the Tacoma and make it stall, at least until just before the yellow caution light changes to red. And they’re left still waiting for the next light to change. Sure, it’s not driving friendly, but honking horns make me nervous.

Oh, and those radio stations that use the sound of squealing tires or police sirens in their commercials, I don’t like those, either. It’s quite annoying when you’re in traffic and suddenly you hear tires squealing, which kicks in your adrenaline as you quickly try to determine if you’re about to be hit. Or, when you’re approaching an intersection and, out of nowhere, there’s a siren and you don’t know whether to pull over, stop or what. When a station plays one of those commercials, I change the dial to another, so instead of generating business for a client you’ve driven a listener away.

Something else that bugs me are those Internet ads that say “Mountain Home woman loses 200 pounds and here’s how,” and it’s part of a campaign that elsewhere lists “Fresno woman,” “Peoria woman,” “Nantucket woman,” etc. A lot of the time they seem to be for a product or a service you can’t get locally. I also dislike the Internet ads with the moving heads and changing expressions because usually they just look creepy. Pop-up ads are aggravating, too, especially if I can’t find where to click on “close.” That’s what I like about newspapers and print magazines — the ads don’t get in the way and aren’t obnoxious.

Wow, I’ve had coffee, one of Linda Masters’ margarita cupcakes, and I’ve ranted — I feel much better now. OK, you can carry on now and be chipper and bright — just don’t honk at me.