Holiday movies? Bah, humbug

We now officially have entered the Holiday Zone, and for the next month we’ll be treated to enough sweet seasonal movies, music, specials and sales to put even Willy Wonka into a sugar coma.

Actually, the bombardment of Christmas movies and specials began not long after Halloween. No sooner had Freddie and Jason slipped back into the shadows than smiling elves, youngsters with shining faces and those annoying K-Mart commercials took their places.

Before Thanksgiving, I saw part of a movie that had Paul Williams as the creepiest Christmas elf I’ve seen in a movie that must have blown its budget by blackmailing ... uh, convincing Jacqueline Smith to be the leading lady. (Hey, it says a lot when Mason Adams is the best actor and most believable character in a movie.) Cheesy would high praise for that little flick.

But, that seems to be the case with a lot of the holiday entertainment and Christmas movies. Every TV network and studio churns out dozens of low-budget, cheaply made fare for this time of year. Sort of like a Chinese toy factory. For a while, they were getting big-name stars or hot celebrities to star in them. As an example, when Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton were at the top of the charts a few years ago, they made a couple of Christmas movies as well as a pretty cool Christmas special.

Much as I like Kenny and Dolly, the movies really seemed sort of so-so, even though the made-for-TV flicks come back year after year, like passing along the same fruitcake year after year.

I’m not being a Scrooge (I’ll get to him later), but a lot of these Christmas movies and specials are just so ... bad. And repetitive, and predictable. Perky young woman looks forward to Christmas but winds up involved with grumpy young man who’s not in the holiday spirit, but the two eventually fall in love by Christmas Eve. Or, it’s a handsome young man and grumpy young woman. Or, a young person encounters a grumpy old person (obviously a fantasy) and by the end of the movie, brings out the happy soul hidden behind the grumpiness. Or, a happy senior teaches a Christmas life lesson to a sullen, smart-mouthed brat. Or, the lead character is trying to get home in time for Christmas, but misses the flight/train/bus/car or itbreaks down in middle of nowhere and he must scramble to make the journey, usually meeting an assortment of oddball characters who reveal the true meaning of Christmas.

These can be comedies, dramas, or a little of both. Many involve musical numbers and feature B-list performers in C-roles.

There are an abundance of Santa movies, with more of them in the quality range of “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” than “Miracle on 34th Street” (the original of which I can watch over and over). Don’t forget the knock-offs of “It’s a Wonderful Life,” which take the intriguing story of George Bailey and give us poor imitations of the plot with Marlo Thomas or Tori Spelling in the classic James Stewart role. Seriously, Tori Spelling?

Then, there are the umpteen versions of “A Christmas Carol.” How many have there been? There’s the classic with Sir Reginald Owen as Ebenezer Scrooge, and there was the Mister Magoo version, one of my favorites as a kid although there were a couple of scenes that freaked the bejeebers out of me. Dickens’ little holiday-themed ghost story has seen many, many, ... many incarnations through the years.

Let’s see, there was one with George C. Scott as Scrooge, then the one with Jim Carrey, one with Alastair Sim, a version with Mickey Mouse and all his friends, and others that included the Muppetts, the Smurfs, Kelsey Grammer, Barbie, Patrick Stewart, Sesame Street characters, Rich Little, and the Flintstones (which I never understood since the Flintstones lived in the Stone Age, B.C.). And who can forget the variations on it with Henry Winkler, Vanessa Williams and Tori Spelling, again.

Some have been good. Some, ... well, it is the holiday season.

I don’t dislike all holiday and Christmas movies. Most of them, yes, but not all of them. I just wish the makers didn’t feel a need to be so sappy, so saccharine with them that they make your teeth hurt. And it wouldn’t hurt for the makers to be a little more original since, obviously, the plot lines have been recycled more than a Facebook e-card.

(Clicking through the channels, ... there’s that Paul Williams movie, there’s Tori Spelling, there’s ... hey, wait a minute, it’s “Die Hard.” That’s a Christmas movie! At least it starts with a Christmas party!)