Please be my Valentine, or at least buy me chocolate
Valentine’s Day is just a week away, and you know what that means. Yep, guys
in the doghouse for forgetting about it, although with all the hype it’s hard to
ignore.
I think there’s a switch in men’s brains that blocks out all the commercials, ads and “news” stories about Valentine’s Day, except the Victoria’s Secret commercials. Wives block those out.
Valentine’s Day seems like one of those holidays that’s just made up, a day for chocolatiers and greeting card makers to get a boost for their businesses during the winter doldrums. But it’s really a religious feast day to honor various martyrs named Valentine. Apparently there were a lot of them. How it got from religion to Victoria’s Secret is beyond me.
According to one legend, St. Valentine was imprisoned by Romans for performing marriages between soldiers and Christian women. He and his jailer’s daughter fell in love, and on the eve of his execution left her a letter signed, “Your Valentine.” Apparently his flower-crowned skull still is exhibited at a church in Italy. If that doesn’t say romance, I don’t know what does.
So, in remembrance of St. Valentine, folks today give chocolate, fancy underwear and greeting cards to one another. After all, nothing says holy like chocolate-flavored edible underwear with a card saying “Be My Valentine.”
When I was a mere lad in school, Valentine’s Day was a big deal. You’d spend days making a Valentine box, decorating it with brown wrapping paper and colorful little hearts and chubby flying babies in diapers carrying bows and arrows. A slot was cut in the top of the box so other students could drop their Valentines to you into it. Boys gave Valentines to girls, and vice versa. I’m not sure if it’s still that way since everybody is supposed to get something from everybody else. Anyway, it was a big deal to see how many Valentine’s you got. Usually it was about the same as the number of girls in the class, and vice versa.
It was the one day when you could give a card or note to the girl you had a third-grade crush on without feeling completely foolish. It also was the day you got your third-grade heart broken when you give her a cheesy homemade Valentine and the class stud gives her a lace-trimmed heart-shaped store-bought Valentine twice as big and she swoons. Hey, third grade had its studs, too.
The best part of Valentine’s Day then, and even now for some folks, was the candy. At the class party there’d be those little hearts with sayings like “Be My Valentine,” “Happy Valentine’s Day,” “Hubba Hubba” printed on them. A lot of the time they came in heart-shaped boxes. Then there were the chocolates in big heart-shaped boxes. Valentine’s was Stover’s favorite day of the year. (It wasn’t until biology class in high school that I learned the heart isn’t heart-shaped, and that the real thing looks like a prop from a Frankenstein movie.)
I always liked the chocolates with nuts in them, or caramel, or toffee. The ones with the soft cream centers were tolerable, although some of the flavors were enough to almost turn you off of chocolate. Almost. Yep, a box of chocolates is a lot like life; you just never know what you’re going to get.
As we got older, chocolates and candy remained popular gifts, and cards remained in fashion even when they became digital. (Save a tree, send your sweetie an email.) Flowers are great gifts, too; just ask any florist. Valentine’s Day is the big day for roses, even bigger than the Kentucky Derby. It’s always a toss up of whether a single perfect rose is more romantic, or a couple of dozen in a bouquet with ribbons. It can be like picking which chalice is the Holy Grail in Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade: You must choose wisely.
Then, after reaching a certain age, men start buying lingerie for women. Well, to be honest, men buy lingerie for themselves, it just looks better on women. The candy and flowers are for the women.
With changing times, lingerie has gone from long, flowing robes and silky pajamas to ... well, let’s just say they ain’t grandma’s bloomers any more. Like Stover’s and Hallmark, Victoria’s Secret and Frederick’s of Hollywood love Valentine’s Day, too.
Most of those traditional trappings still are popular today for Valentine’s Day. There’s not a lot new for it, except for a new move that’s coming out for Valentine’s Day weekend. something called Fifty Shades of Grey. I assume it’s a romance, a little racy I hear, and that as a Valentine’s tie-in it might be more appropriate to shop at Home Depot instead of Victoria’s Secret. I guess the story involves home improvement projects.
Anyway, guys, there’s still plenty of time to do your Valentine’s Day shopping, or think of a good excuse to explain how you forgot about it. Shoot, with that whole Fifty Shades thing you might get the little lady a pipe wrench at Home Depot for Valentine’s Day.
I think there’s a switch in men’s brains that blocks out all the commercials, ads and “news” stories about Valentine’s Day, except the Victoria’s Secret commercials. Wives block those out.
Valentine’s Day seems like one of those holidays that’s just made up, a day for chocolatiers and greeting card makers to get a boost for their businesses during the winter doldrums. But it’s really a religious feast day to honor various martyrs named Valentine. Apparently there were a lot of them. How it got from religion to Victoria’s Secret is beyond me.
According to one legend, St. Valentine was imprisoned by Romans for performing marriages between soldiers and Christian women. He and his jailer’s daughter fell in love, and on the eve of his execution left her a letter signed, “Your Valentine.” Apparently his flower-crowned skull still is exhibited at a church in Italy. If that doesn’t say romance, I don’t know what does.
So, in remembrance of St. Valentine, folks today give chocolate, fancy underwear and greeting cards to one another. After all, nothing says holy like chocolate-flavored edible underwear with a card saying “Be My Valentine.”
When I was a mere lad in school, Valentine’s Day was a big deal. You’d spend days making a Valentine box, decorating it with brown wrapping paper and colorful little hearts and chubby flying babies in diapers carrying bows and arrows. A slot was cut in the top of the box so other students could drop their Valentines to you into it. Boys gave Valentines to girls, and vice versa. I’m not sure if it’s still that way since everybody is supposed to get something from everybody else. Anyway, it was a big deal to see how many Valentine’s you got. Usually it was about the same as the number of girls in the class, and vice versa.
It was the one day when you could give a card or note to the girl you had a third-grade crush on without feeling completely foolish. It also was the day you got your third-grade heart broken when you give her a cheesy homemade Valentine and the class stud gives her a lace-trimmed heart-shaped store-bought Valentine twice as big and she swoons. Hey, third grade had its studs, too.
The best part of Valentine’s Day then, and even now for some folks, was the candy. At the class party there’d be those little hearts with sayings like “Be My Valentine,” “Happy Valentine’s Day,” “Hubba Hubba” printed on them. A lot of the time they came in heart-shaped boxes. Then there were the chocolates in big heart-shaped boxes. Valentine’s was Stover’s favorite day of the year. (It wasn’t until biology class in high school that I learned the heart isn’t heart-shaped, and that the real thing looks like a prop from a Frankenstein movie.)
I always liked the chocolates with nuts in them, or caramel, or toffee. The ones with the soft cream centers were tolerable, although some of the flavors were enough to almost turn you off of chocolate. Almost. Yep, a box of chocolates is a lot like life; you just never know what you’re going to get.
As we got older, chocolates and candy remained popular gifts, and cards remained in fashion even when they became digital. (Save a tree, send your sweetie an email.) Flowers are great gifts, too; just ask any florist. Valentine’s Day is the big day for roses, even bigger than the Kentucky Derby. It’s always a toss up of whether a single perfect rose is more romantic, or a couple of dozen in a bouquet with ribbons. It can be like picking which chalice is the Holy Grail in Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade: You must choose wisely.
Then, after reaching a certain age, men start buying lingerie for women. Well, to be honest, men buy lingerie for themselves, it just looks better on women. The candy and flowers are for the women.
With changing times, lingerie has gone from long, flowing robes and silky pajamas to ... well, let’s just say they ain’t grandma’s bloomers any more. Like Stover’s and Hallmark, Victoria’s Secret and Frederick’s of Hollywood love Valentine’s Day, too.
Most of those traditional trappings still are popular today for Valentine’s Day. There’s not a lot new for it, except for a new move that’s coming out for Valentine’s Day weekend. something called Fifty Shades of Grey. I assume it’s a romance, a little racy I hear, and that as a Valentine’s tie-in it might be more appropriate to shop at Home Depot instead of Victoria’s Secret. I guess the story involves home improvement projects.
Anyway, guys, there’s still plenty of time to do your Valentine’s Day shopping, or think of a good excuse to explain how you forgot about it. Shoot, with that whole Fifty Shades thing you might get the little lady a pipe wrench at Home Depot for Valentine’s Day.
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