Question of the day: Is it cold enough for you yet?
Most people know that I rank cold weather right up there with root canals and
colonoscopies. Actually, given a
choice, I’d probably go for either of the latter over the former.
As I write this within the confines of Sixth & Hickory, my feet are somewhere between popsicle and numb on the thermometer. I’ve layered my clothing, and still the chill creeps in to the point I’m ready to cut open a tauntaun and climb inside for warmth. (That’s for my nerd and geek readers.)
Much as last week led me to find ways to tell you’re having a bad day, this week is calling me to find ways to determine when it’s too cold.
For example:
If you take your dachshund out to do No. 1, and the No. 1 freezes, it might be too cold.
If you leave a frozen turkey outside for four days and it does not thaw, it might be too cold.
If the mug of steaming, hot coffee you take to work is frozen solid before you get out of the driveway, it might be too cold.
If you lick your lips and your tongue freezes to your piercing, it might be too cold.
If you wake up with frost in your hair, and it wasn’t put there by a beautician, it might be too cold.
If you consider taking a winter vacation in Alaska for its warmer climate, it might be too cold.
If a polar bear asks for directions to the nearest sauna, it might be too cold.
If a bird is suspended in the air, frozen in mid-flight, it might be too cold.
If you can play hockey in your hot tub, it might be too cold.
If the International Olympic Committee suggests holding the next Winter Olympics in your backyard, it might be too cold.
If a parka-clad Jim Cantore from The Weather Channel is reporting from your front yard, it might be too cold.
If you find yourself at the gates of Hell, and they’re frozen shut, it might be too cold.
If your hot dog isn’t, it might be too cold.
If you have to thaw hot chocolate, it might be too cold.
If you stand inside the freezer at the grocery store to warm up, it might be too cold.
If a penguin stands at your patio door begging for you to let him in, it might be too cold.
If you stand on your porch to do No. 1 and get frostbite, it might be too cold.
If you consider putting Hot Tamales in your shoes to keep your feet warm, it might be too cold.
If the stairs in your house double as a ski lift, it might be too cold.
If you get a compliment on your nice shade of blue, it might be too cold.
If a thermometer refuses to go outside, it might be too cold.
If there’s a well digger, a witch and a brass monkey on your doorstep, it might be too cold.
Here’s to warm thoughts, warm beverages, warm hearts and anything else that can warm us up, because it’s too darned cold.
As I write this within the confines of Sixth & Hickory, my feet are somewhere between popsicle and numb on the thermometer. I’ve layered my clothing, and still the chill creeps in to the point I’m ready to cut open a tauntaun and climb inside for warmth. (That’s for my nerd and geek readers.)
Much as last week led me to find ways to tell you’re having a bad day, this week is calling me to find ways to determine when it’s too cold.
For example:
If you take your dachshund out to do No. 1, and the No. 1 freezes, it might be too cold.
If you leave a frozen turkey outside for four days and it does not thaw, it might be too cold.
If the mug of steaming, hot coffee you take to work is frozen solid before you get out of the driveway, it might be too cold.
If you lick your lips and your tongue freezes to your piercing, it might be too cold.
If you wake up with frost in your hair, and it wasn’t put there by a beautician, it might be too cold.
If you consider taking a winter vacation in Alaska for its warmer climate, it might be too cold.
If a polar bear asks for directions to the nearest sauna, it might be too cold.
If a bird is suspended in the air, frozen in mid-flight, it might be too cold.
If you can play hockey in your hot tub, it might be too cold.
If the International Olympic Committee suggests holding the next Winter Olympics in your backyard, it might be too cold.
If a parka-clad Jim Cantore from The Weather Channel is reporting from your front yard, it might be too cold.
If you find yourself at the gates of Hell, and they’re frozen shut, it might be too cold.
If your hot dog isn’t, it might be too cold.
If you have to thaw hot chocolate, it might be too cold.
If you stand inside the freezer at the grocery store to warm up, it might be too cold.
If a penguin stands at your patio door begging for you to let him in, it might be too cold.
If you stand on your porch to do No. 1 and get frostbite, it might be too cold.
If you consider putting Hot Tamales in your shoes to keep your feet warm, it might be too cold.
If the stairs in your house double as a ski lift, it might be too cold.
If you get a compliment on your nice shade of blue, it might be too cold.
If a thermometer refuses to go outside, it might be too cold.
If there’s a well digger, a witch and a brass monkey on your doorstep, it might be too cold.
Here’s to warm thoughts, warm beverages, warm hearts and anything else that can warm us up, because it’s too darned cold.
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