After the Great Winter Bread Panic of ’13
I’m writing this a day early just in case we’re overcome by the icepocalypse.
Yes, Old Man Winter has seen fit to throw another big winter storm at us, even
though we’re still two weeks away from the official start of winter. Apparently
Old Man Winter doesn’t have a calendar.
Here in the Ozarks, people prepared for the frigid onslaught in the usual way. They stormed every store in sight in a panic and stripped the shelves bare of bread, milk and eggs. Well, they did leave the skimmed milk; not even a panic-stricken mob wants skimmed milk. There also were reports of a banana rush this time. I guess bananas have been added to the must-have winter survival list.
Since I’ve lived here in the hills, people always have prepared for winter storms by hoarding bread and milk, and I’ve never understood why. What makes people get grab-happy about these two staples at the first indication of something heavier than a frost approaching? Eggs have been a more recent addition, which leads me to conclude that they’re holding up in their homes and surviving on French toast. I suppose if they had flour at home they could make gravy to go with the toast.
It makes me wonder how people would react to an impending catastrophic situation if they react like the stampeding folks in “World War Z” to a weather forecast. True, a lot of folks around here learned to be prepared after the Great Ice Storm of ’09, but I still don’t understand the obsession for bread and milk.
If I thought I were going to be snowed in, iced in, or otherwise trapped by Mother Nature, I’d want something more substantial than milk and bread. My survival list would include a few steaks, lots of coffee, some shrimp and lobster, the makings for chili, a little more coffee, a good supply of jelly beans, perhaps an adult beverage or two, books, some good tunes, lots of blankets, duct tape and airline tickets to someplace a lot warmer.
As for the stockpiling of bread, I’ve tried to determine the many ways it could be used in an emergency situation, such as an icepocalypse. In my mind, Bubba tells Forrest Gump the many ways you can use bread, and these are what I thought of:
You can eat it plain
You can eat it with butter, or jam, or peanut butter, or Miracle Whip, or any other condiment that strikes your fancy
You can make sandwiches with it
You can toast it
You can make toasted or grilled sandwiches
You can make paninis (a fancier version of a grilled sandwich)
You can make French toast
You can make croutons
You can make bread crumbs
You can make bread pudding
You can make breaded tomatoes (a favorite in our household)
You can make stuffing
You can dip it into olive oil
You can use it in meat loaf
You can feed it to the birds
You can let it mold and make your own penicillin
You can let it get stale, cut it into triangles and use it like a boomerang
You can ferment it to make jailhouse hooch
You can pick up broken glass (at least Readers Digest says you can)
You can dust oil paintings
You can use it to absorb grease in a broiler pan (as you’re cooking, although I guess it would work afterward, too)
You can use it and apple cider vinegar to treat corns and callouses
You can compost it
You can use it lightly toasted as an art canvas
You can use it and milk to make a poultice to treat bruises, inflammation, arthritis, sprains, wounds, cuts, acne, eczema and remove splinters.
No doubt someone out there knows even more ways to use bread. I’d even bet there’s a prepper who knows how to use bread as a weapon, and not just by bashing folks over their heads to with a loaf of French bread.
As I write this, sleet is pecking at the windows, my feet are getting colder, and I’m getting psyched for the drive home in this mess. I don’t mind driving in weather like this, although sometimes I think I’d like to be one of those persons who absolutely doesn’t have to get out in it. Fortunately, I don’t have to stop for bread or milk, although I doubt I’d find any. Although, I wonder if you can use bread crumbs like cat litter to gain traction on ice and snow? Or, if I could use toast to make snow shoes? Or, ...
Here in the Ozarks, people prepared for the frigid onslaught in the usual way. They stormed every store in sight in a panic and stripped the shelves bare of bread, milk and eggs. Well, they did leave the skimmed milk; not even a panic-stricken mob wants skimmed milk. There also were reports of a banana rush this time. I guess bananas have been added to the must-have winter survival list.
Since I’ve lived here in the hills, people always have prepared for winter storms by hoarding bread and milk, and I’ve never understood why. What makes people get grab-happy about these two staples at the first indication of something heavier than a frost approaching? Eggs have been a more recent addition, which leads me to conclude that they’re holding up in their homes and surviving on French toast. I suppose if they had flour at home they could make gravy to go with the toast.
It makes me wonder how people would react to an impending catastrophic situation if they react like the stampeding folks in “World War Z” to a weather forecast. True, a lot of folks around here learned to be prepared after the Great Ice Storm of ’09, but I still don’t understand the obsession for bread and milk.
If I thought I were going to be snowed in, iced in, or otherwise trapped by Mother Nature, I’d want something more substantial than milk and bread. My survival list would include a few steaks, lots of coffee, some shrimp and lobster, the makings for chili, a little more coffee, a good supply of jelly beans, perhaps an adult beverage or two, books, some good tunes, lots of blankets, duct tape and airline tickets to someplace a lot warmer.
As for the stockpiling of bread, I’ve tried to determine the many ways it could be used in an emergency situation, such as an icepocalypse. In my mind, Bubba tells Forrest Gump the many ways you can use bread, and these are what I thought of:
You can eat it plain
You can eat it with butter, or jam, or peanut butter, or Miracle Whip, or any other condiment that strikes your fancy
You can make sandwiches with it
You can toast it
You can make toasted or grilled sandwiches
You can make paninis (a fancier version of a grilled sandwich)
You can make French toast
You can make croutons
You can make bread crumbs
You can make bread pudding
You can make breaded tomatoes (a favorite in our household)
You can make stuffing
You can dip it into olive oil
You can use it in meat loaf
You can feed it to the birds
You can let it mold and make your own penicillin
You can let it get stale, cut it into triangles and use it like a boomerang
You can ferment it to make jailhouse hooch
You can pick up broken glass (at least Readers Digest says you can)
You can dust oil paintings
You can use it to absorb grease in a broiler pan (as you’re cooking, although I guess it would work afterward, too)
You can use it and apple cider vinegar to treat corns and callouses
You can compost it
You can use it lightly toasted as an art canvas
You can use it and milk to make a poultice to treat bruises, inflammation, arthritis, sprains, wounds, cuts, acne, eczema and remove splinters.
No doubt someone out there knows even more ways to use bread. I’d even bet there’s a prepper who knows how to use bread as a weapon, and not just by bashing folks over their heads to with a loaf of French bread.
As I write this, sleet is pecking at the windows, my feet are getting colder, and I’m getting psyched for the drive home in this mess. I don’t mind driving in weather like this, although sometimes I think I’d like to be one of those persons who absolutely doesn’t have to get out in it. Fortunately, I don’t have to stop for bread or milk, although I doubt I’d find any. Although, I wonder if you can use bread crumbs like cat litter to gain traction on ice and snow? Or, if I could use toast to make snow shoes? Or, ...
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