Happy birthday, Kim, and thanks for putting up with me

I’m going to get a little personal today. Today is my wife Kim’s birthday, and, as I recall, except for a brief not at the end of one of these missives I’ve never really written that much about her. She probably thinks that’s good, however, but today she gets her turn. Finally.

Now, gentleman that I am, I’m not about to divulge Kim’s age. It’s not that she tries to keep her age a secret as women have been known to do, it’s just that sharing it is something she should do if she wants. Plus, I know what lines not to cross with her. I think.

For as long as we’ve been married (since 1980), Kim’s been a little touchy about her birthday only because she was born on Thanksgiving Day. Fortunately, unlike being born on Christmas Day, it doesn’t always fall on Thanksgiving Day, as it did last year. It still falls close enough to Thanksgiving that she feels it sometimes gets mixed up in the holiday shuffle. After all, pumpkin pie is not the same as a birthday cake.

One plus side, however, is that I always remember when it’s her birthday. Sort of like I’ll always be able to remember our wedding anniversary, June 6. Through the years, I’ve tried to do something special for her birthday, whether it’s a tangible, unwrappable gift, a special dinner out, or something like a Branson escape or some other intangible present. Yes, there has been an occasion or two when Kim’s birthday present involved something for the kitchen, but only because that’s what she wanted.

As the years have gone by, I’ve wished I could do more for Kim’s birthday in particular, and just for her in general, but a lot of time she’s tried to downplay it, mainly because of that Thanksgiving connection and her saying she grew used to it being on the back burner. But, everybody’s birthday is special, no matter what day or with whom they share it, and so is Kim’s.

To be honest, I truly owe a lot to Kim. First of all, she’s put up with me for nearly 321/2 years. In many ways, I’m not an easy person to live with. I’m a bit of dreamer, always have been. And no matter how jaded I might feel, I probably always will be a dreamer. It comes in handy when you’re trying to be a writer. Kim dreams, too, but she’s much more practical and pragmatic, a trait she no doubt inherited from her father. She’s helped me keep my feet on the ground all this time, yet also given me enough rope for my dreams, our dreams.

There are times when I’m moody, when there’s a dark cloud accompanying me and my cynical side becomes dominant. I’m not so pleasant at those times. It took a little while, but Kim learned how to deal with those occasions, and knows how get me through them. Sometimes the pot boils over, as it does for any couple, but we’re quick to make peace. Granted, Kim has those times as well, but together we’re able to deal with them, too.

In some ways, we’re opposites. For example, I’ve always been an avid reader of almost anything while Kim isn’t a big reader, although she developed interest in some subjects (and became a Wanda Brunstetter fan). My movie tastes are quite varied while she leans more toward romantic comedies, romances, movies (and TV shows) about families, true or realistic stories and almost anything with Richard Gere. She tolerates gunplay, but doesn’t particularly care for it.

Our music tastes are mostly similar, although Kim’s not a fan of hard rock, the blues, extended solos and she can tolerate some classical. Our food tastes vary a little, too, although Kim came to appreciate hot and spicy food more through the years, although guacamole and sushi still are off her menu.

All of that, however, is small potatoes in the greater scheme of life. We’ve learned that one secret to marriage is adapting to one another’s habits and preferences; not necessarily giving up something, just adjusting for one another. The biggest adaptation on my part was children. When we got married, I wasn’t that fond of children, Kim adored babies and children. Gradually, she changed my thinking without me realizing it, and we had two wonderful children, plus a whole lot more in our “extended” family. And, like any good mother, Kim’s always placed them ahead of herself.

Being married as long as we have been, naturally we’ve encountered occasional rough patches — tight finances, family crises, health scares, unexpected unpleasantness — yet we have managed to overcome them. Sure, we picked up a few scars, but they’ve become emblems of survival and reminders that, together, we can get through anything. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have made it through as well, or intact, without Kim.

At this point, I’m still not sure what Kim’s getting for her birthday this year along with this column, but I’ll think of something. And no matter what it is she’ll probably tell me I really didn’t need to do it. Undoubtedly, she’ll tell me I really didn’t need to write this. But, my answer to both is yes, I did. That’s part of what love is all about.

Happy birthday, Kim.